KATIE'S BLOG: It wasn’t his time - grief during Covid

Yes I’m obviously terribly upset, but I’m also terribly angry…..quite simply put.......because it just wasn’t his time.

I don’t want to allow Covid to take centre stage and block out all my incredible memories of an equally incredible man, but I do want to briefly dwell on the absolutely inhumane reality that this evil virus has inflicted on us all.

My dad is one of 5 children, a remarkable family of doctors born to an immigrant father, who tragically lost their younger brother 20 years ago on a charity bike ride.

With 16 first cousins, and 10 aunts and uncles, i feel blessed to have shared so many happy times together over the years as part of a close-knit, warm, loving extended family, but we were all hit hard by that tragedy, especially at such a young age.

And so once again dad has lost another wonderful sibling – an amazing patriarch, loving father, husband, grandfather, and uncle.

He was equally adored by all of his family and friends and was a beloved doctor for his thousands of patients.

But what fills me with rage is the injustice of him having caught the virus shortly before he would almost have been fully protected, having spent the better part of a year waiting and looking forward to getting back to some sort of normality.

To be unable to run to my parents, aunt and cousins to comfort them, in the way that is usually human nature for anyone, just hurts...a lot.

To have to watch the funeral sitting at my kitchen table, staring almost voyeuristically down the lens of a zoom link, all feels so wrong and slightly distasteful.

How can they or any of us grieve properly?

His beautiful wife of over 60 years kissed him goodbye from home, via an ipad, whilst he was in hospital.  She had also caught covid, around a similar time and so was not allowed to be with him.

The only saving grace, in his final peaceful few hours, was the hospital allowing my cousins, his two children, to be by his side, albeit fully enveloped in head to toe ppe, which must’ve given him and my aunt, enormous comfort.

I know we are not the only ones suffering, and this sort of scenario must be playing out all over the world right now, but it doesn’t take away the pain that so many of us are feeling.

We are determined, to celebrate his life properly in the way he deserved, when this pandemic is all over, surrounded by the hundreds of people whose lives he touched, so that we can have some sort of closure.

He will be remembered for his warmth, kindness and beautiful approach to life and we will hold on to the most special family memories, we’ve all shared together over our lifetimes, forever.

If you have suffered a bereavement and are struggling to cope with your grief, please do reach out for help either on our Facebook group, via our directory of professionals or on our helplines page: https://www.lattelounge.co.uk/helplines/