24 Apr 2018

KATIE'S BLOG: A womb with a view - A pre-op hysterectomy diary (part 1)

DIARY OF A WIMPY KID THIS AIN'T.... …....DIARY OF A SLIGHTLY HYSTERICAL, WIND-WORRIED WOMAN’S #HYSTERECTOMY, THIS IS.....

H MINUS 6 DAYS, FRIDAY

Some-one has added me to a facebook group called ‘Hyster-Sisters’ - sounds very American and to be honest I’m not sure whether this is a group for women undergoing hysterectomies or a group for hysterical sisters (well I guess my sister and I both think we are hysterically funny at times even when no-one else does aswell as being hysterical in a crazy sort of way, so regardless, this group intrigues me).

My stay on the group consists of approximately 12 and a half minutes. 10 minutes of reading about the enormous amounts of trapped wind I’m likely to encounter post op and 2 and a half minutes trying to stop myself from throwing up, looking at all the various scars that some of the members want me to examine, for fear of post op infection.

I quickly remove myself from the group as it is beginning to put the fear of gd into me.

H MINUS 5 DAYS, SATURDAY

Went to see surgeon today to go through my worries and concerns, not sure his passing last words were particularly helpful-‘don’t worry I’ve never buried one yet!’

Been so busy with work and family that haven’t had a calm moment to think about the op, starting to get butterflies now, just need to get on with it so I can get on with recovery.

H MINUS 4 DAYS, SUNDAY

Started googling all the negatives of having this procedure, now in a total state of panic. Sent various articles to dr dad to examine, whose response ‘what absolute bollocks’ was just what I needed to hear. Note to self, stop reading things on line.

H MINUS 3 DAYS, MONDAY

Butterflies galore trying to keep busy all day, clearing fridge, stocking up fridge, packing bags, unpacking bags, feels like I’m going in for a baby, instead of going in for them to remove the first ever home my babies ever knew ?. But on the plus side my gorgeous oldest son has just arrived home from uni after a long six weeks, which has been a huge boost to my pre op nerves -so happy to see him. ?

H MINUS 2 DAYS-TUESDAY & HALLOWEEN

Just been for my pre op assessment, waited an hour for blood tests, of course she couldn’t find a vein in either arm or hand, but eventually got what she needed out of some random area.

She told me she was American and very big on Halloween and sweetly asked if she could keep some of my blood to use when she dressed up as Count Dracula later on (I actually don’t think she was joking!).

Upstairs to see the nurse: Weight- omg are you having a laugh?, blood pressure -low as ever, nose and groin swabs for Mrsa (groin swabs?!).

We discuss the blood thinning injections i’ll need to administer for the month after and the sexy, thigh high dvt prevention stockings I’ll need to wear 24/7 (I did ask if they come in black leather, but apparently there isn’t much call for them these days) .

Discuss this bizarre side affect of trapped wind, apparently if I lift my arms up post op, the wind will travel up to my shoulders and dissipate somewhere, not sure whether it then comes out my ears, mouth or nose but to be honest, I’m not sure my poor husband will notice much difference anyway.

Went to cinema with oldest son early eve to see’Breath’ a real weepy-pretend i'm crying about the film in the dark, when really i just needed a good ole cry to release all these trapped emotions!!!!

H MINUS 1 DAY – WEDNESDAY

On the back of all your recs, i have bought 5 pairs of massive Bridget Jones knickers, peppermint tea bags, mentos, double mints, windeze, straws, cushioned tray table, cuddly toy and a presentation knife set( ok well perhaps not the last two, from the generation game -am I showing my age?)

Had lovely lunch with oldest son, packed a few bits, sorted out instructions for the house, kids, dog and hubby, watched Bake Off final then off to bed in nervous anticipation.

There are many women (inc 2 of my v gd friends) that have had to have this operation for far worse reasons than me, and I know they have both done it with immense bravery, so I am just going to count myself lucky, get my head down, get on with it and hopefully come out the other side a new woman (I’ve asked to be transformed into a supermodel if at all possible, but he laughed and said, I’m a dr, not a magician- Nice!).

THURSDAY H DAY

7am No sleep, Rock up in my hospital chic wear (aka pjs, slippers and dressing gown)-for a min feels like I’m going on a mini break, pulling my overnight bag behind me.

Consultant reassures me he’s only ever perforated 3 bladders in 30 years (this guys a joker!) then says I hear from the lady next door you are The Latte Lounge! (Wonder whose next door? ??).

I blush and say errr yeah, to which he replies ‘well I better do a good job then or I’ll be outa work!’

He has 6 day cases before me so I won’t be going down TIL around 10.30am, so going to try and sleep.

Adios amigos, See you on the other side!

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